05 July 2008

Three months and standing still...

I've been thinking so much about the progress I've made and *not* made on this journey that's been forced upon me. To be honest, I've felt guilty for not posting since the 22nd of June. The reason is... I've needed some time away.
I cry at the drop of a hat when I think about Gimli and why he died. I'm still reeling and I feel depressed.

One might think that because Gimli was a "pet" that his life is over and we, I, should now move on. We have two new kittens to "take his place" and Bilbo's trying hard to adjust... we should be OK, right?
Oh how I wish it were so easy.

The girls, Junipurr Lily and Rose, are delightful. They've adjusted well, Bilbo loves them, we adore them, and I'm grateful for them being in our home and our lives... but they are not Gimli. They can't take his place in our hearts and they don't make the hurt and anger go away. I often think how unfair it is to them that I can't be overjoyed that they are with us as I was when we first got the boys. I'm simply not capable of feeling that sort of joy now.

So.. I've taken a break. I have people I need to nudge who have promised to be proactive for me -- or for the cause (Ketamine deaths in our breed). I have people who have reached out to me that I've yet to contact... to my shame. I have let the ball drop these past three weeks; but I've needed a break from the constant sadness, the constant anger, the constant drive and late-nights of research.

I have a new business that's getting off the ground next week... it's a business that I've been trying to grow since 2004 and, for the first time, it really has a chance of being successful. I should be plunging myself head-first into this project with no other thoughts in my head but its groundbreaking debut. I'm trying to do that. I owe it to myself and to my partner who is not an animal lover and can not understand (but, to his credit, has tried).

I'll get past this month and continue anew. My committments include not only my work and new project, but necessary time and trips to doctors with my dad and with our Sphynx kids. The little girls are now five months old and ready to be spayed and microchipped. That process is scheduled for 22 July, and they'll use an Isoflurane box during the process. Still.. I'm dreading it. I dread it for our girls and I dread the way I know I will feel during the process... scared, anxious, and memory-filled. Wish us luck, please.

As for our Gimmie -- I kiss his urn each night and tell him good morning the next day. We miss him, and want his legacy to be filled with potential life-saving information for other Sphynx owners.
Our attorney has been approached by the vet who is responsible for his death. She phoned him to clear her character. I can't imagine her motive in phoning him. Our case is now in the hands of her insurance company, and if things don't work out well there I have full intention of seeing it through in court. She will be held accountable.

I appreciate those who read this blog. I encourage you to view the posts from May which detail the Ketamine findings. Please don't leave this blog without viewing the information there.

PHOTO: Our sweet boy, Gimli, riding in his "going home" spot in our motorhome. We've not camped since we lost our boy.

On the road again - end of Easter weekend camp trip - 2